• Éadaoin Fitzmaurice

The Importance Of An Apology

When it comes to apologies you'll spot one of two different kinds of people... Those who apologise profusely and those who are stubborn.

I've always been an apologiser.

I apologise if I bump into somebody, if I accidentally forget something, if I sneeze in public. It's just always been in my nature.

Is that a good thing? Well, not exactly.

When I was a teenager it became one of the things I detested most about myself because I felt like I had no fight in me and I was a pushover in arguments. I always wanted to apologise and rectify the situation to avoid confrontation and hurt feelings.

This however, meant that I was actually hurting my own feelings because I never got the apology I deserved.

Growing up I had a toxic friendship that induced monthly, if not weekly, needless arguments. One time, I was screamed at down the phone for buying a pair of shoes the same colour as her.

Who apologised in that situation?

I did.

There were endless situations just like this with a plethora of people in my life. It turned into a time where I was walked all over and it's an "Éadaoin" I don't like to think about too often.

As I got older I started handling situations better. I could spot stubborn people from a mile away and taught myself not to get worked up over their manor. I also started to stick up for myself a little more which made me feel better - even if I didn't get an apology at the end of it, at least I said what I needed to.

It's important to look at both sides of the argument, that way you'll understand where they are coming from and if they cannot do the same you know their immaturity is their own failing.

Stubbornness can be great in many situations but when it comes to a deserving apology - I loath it.

People who characterize themselves as "someone who never apologies" should never accept such a trait as fact - it's not something to value or be proud of.

Why is an apology so important?

An apology is an important ritual in everyday life.

It's a way of showing the person involved that you respect them as a person, you value them in your life and you empathise with them the hurt that you may have caused.

(Even if you didn't intend to hurt them.)

Why are people so afraid to show others that they care?

We try to avoid emotional vulnerability at all costs. If anything, I respect someone more if they show me that side of them and let me know they're sorry. Refusing to apologise to someone can create tension in a relationship and create unrepairable cracks.

It seems that apologising is seen as a sign of weakness - I saw myself as a weakling for doing it when actually it shows strong morals.

It baffles me that people don't see this and they let their pride get in the way of doing right, correcting wrongs, showing love and being a good friend.

I guess the way we live our lives and the way we interact with one another is all down to the way we think. Having positive practices can only bring you happiness.

Where's the happy medium?

The happy medium comes between the pushover and the stubborn. Having a little of both is the right place to be.

A real apology comes from the heart.

If you're apologising constantly without much thought no one will grow from the situation, likewise if you're too stubborn to take responsibility.

An apology can't undo what has been done or completely fix a situation but it shows that you want to put the pieces back together and ease tension. It gives hope to rebuild and shows that you value the other person over your pride.

Think about that next time you get into a tiff.

Spread the grá my lovelies <3